Of Confessions and Skinny Jeans
by LivenotMerelysurvive
Summary: Finn's been thinking too much. Rated for language. Now also rated for future love of the Furt variety.
1. Chapter 1

Sitting in Glee, watching everyone rehearse "Born This Way" makes me think. Kurt's wearing skinny jeans again and watching him does things to me; things that I know I'm not really smart enough to figure out.

I have to try though because this is getting out of hand.

His hipbones are indecent. No, I can't get distracted.

I've always known I cared about him, even before our parents got together. I've always known that there was something different about him, and not just because it's so obvious he's gay. I tried to ignore it for a really long time. The "Faggy" meltdown was kind of the end of my… what's that word Rachel called it?... oh, denial.

I've been in denial for a long time. Not just about Kurt, but about what that meant for me.

What the hell am I?

I've spent lot of time watching people trying to figure out the answer and this is what I've come up with so far.

I really do love Rachel. She gets me and she's hot. So, I know I'm not gay.

Quinn is scary and I think I dated her and talked myself into liking her more out peer pressure than anything else.

Kurt is just as hot as Rachel and might even understand me better just cause he's a dude

There's a spark in Kurt and Rachel that I'm drawn to. It's what makes them different. I know I'm not the only one who sees it.

I look at the Cheerios, Santana, hell just girls in general and it's hard for me to think about them… sexually. I mean I can appreciate Santana's smoking hot body, but even after sleeping with her, I can't imagine myself _with_ her.

That's the official list, but there are other things that I haven't finished thinking about. Like guys. I can appreciate them the same way I do girls. I can look at a dude and say, "Man, those are some nice abs." Just like I would Brittany's killer thighs. But there's no connection.

I don't _feel_ anything about them. So, what the hell does that make me? Really fucking confused, most of the time.

Am I bisexual? Fuck, this is hard. My brain needs a break.

0.0.0

Sitting in Glee again, forcing myself not stare at Kurt's ass. Or Rachel's.

Why are her skirts always so damn short? And why does Kurt have such nice biceps? Damn.

Anyway, I've been trying to think about what keeps me from making a move on Kurt, other than the whole Step-Brother/Blaine thing.

I don't know if I would have the balls to kiss him even if our relationship wasn't so complicated. Does that mean I should stick with Rachel?

Could I be fully happy with her though, not knowing? Wouldn't there always be that little voice in my head questioning my identity. I can't hurt Rachel again. It would break me.

So, what the hell do I do?

I'm so fucking stuck.

I can't experiment with people I don't care about because I'm not really attracted to them. It's not the same.

Wait. I'm not attracted to people I don't know.

I can't, even as a teenage boy, picture myself having sex with some random hot girl because it's like a piece of them missing.

Daydreaming about going down on Kurt, though, that I do on a daily basis.

What th-

"Are you ok, Finn?" Pulls me out of my thoughts. I look up to find Kurt's thoughtful blue eyes staring at me cautiously and the room empty.

Shit.

"Yeah, just got lost for a bit, I guess. Thanks for pulling me out." I stand and grab my bag. Kurt and I walk to his Navigator in silence.

I can tell his curiosity is killing him. I can see it in how slow he walks and how he's trying really hard not to look at me.

When we reach his car, he finally looks at me. I hope he can't see how conflicted I am. If he can, he doesn't show it.

We get in the car and he starts to drive home, just like every other day.

Like I didn't just hit on something huge. I want to talk to him about it. I want someone to understand and I think he is the only one who really could. I know he wouldn't judge me.

But I still don't have the balls to admit it out loud.

I'm such a pussy.

Apparently, I'm a pussy with weird nipples. Fucking Santana. Like there aren't enough things I disliked about myself. I'd never even _thought_ about them before.

I feel like that's a part of this too. I really dislike my body.

I can't imagine letting some random person see me, like _see_ me, the way someone I had sex with would.

I subconsciously ran my fingers through my hair and Kurt throws me a concerned frown. I've been really quiet around him lately.

But he always makes me think way too much. I can't talk and figure shit out at the same time.

I have to do this though. I can't be scared because then I'll never know and I'll never figure out a way to be happy.

I let out a deep sigh and turn to face Kurt.

"Can I ask you something?" My voice shakes a bit. He looks at me briefly, still trying to concentrate on the road, but that concerned frown is still there.

"Of course."

I look down at my hands and try to pull all my thoughts together into something that might make sense to him.

"I've been thinking a lot lately."

"Yeah, I've noticed." His eyes shift back to me for a second and I know if he weren't driving he would be leveling me with his intense, caring stare. That one always makes me talk.

So, simplest way or long and drawn out? I'm sure it will all come out eventually. Kurt's a great listener, but what's the very first thing about this that I want him to understand?

He looks at me again from the corner of his eye. God, he's beautiful.

Yeah, that's it.

"You're um-. You're beautiful, you know that?" I close my eyes as soon as I say it. I can feel his eyes on me. I keep my eyes closed for a few more seconds.

"What?" he asks softly. I can hear the uncertainty in his voice. I finally open my eyes and look at him. His eyes are on the road, but he's full on frowning now.

"I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about why things didn't work out with Quinn and why I love Rachel, but can't stop thinking about… you." I look down again and nervously wring my hands.

We stop at a red light and he looks at me. I had no idea how he would react, but he looks angry and that's an option I hadn't considered.

"Is this- Finn. Are- are you serious?" Yep, he's definitely angry. Fuck.

"I'm not trying to mess with you or, like, steal you from Blaine. I know that won't happen. I don't know if I could ever act on anything, but I need someone to talk to about-"

The car behind us honks their horn and we both look up to see the light is green. Kurt starts to drive again and I almost start to talk again, but something about the look in his eyes makes me stop.

"Should I wait till we get home?" I ask softly.

He nods his head and doesn't really look at me the whole rest of the way home.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea.

0.0.0

Kurt drags me up to his room as soon we enter the house. I stay silent while he shuts the door and paces for a few seconds. I'm not really sure where to start now so, I silently give him control.

"I'm going to try to stay objective here because I know how hard this must be for you, but I- I can't promise not to get angry. I can't promise to understand why the hell you're doing this _now_." He pauses dramatically for a second.

"So, whatever you want to tell me or whatever questions you have, you can go ahead." He looks really uncomfortable all of a sudden and stares down at his feet.

"I have no idea what I am." I figure its best to be blunt at this point. I bring my feet up under me to sit Indian style on his bed and pull my shoes off when he glares at me.

"I've accepted that I'm not completely straight." Kurt's eyes grow just a bit wider.

"Well, that's a huge step. Did- did you come to that conclusion alone? Have you talked to anyone about this?" He asks and I can tell he's gone into brother mode, whatever anger he felt slipping away.

"No, I didn't know how. You were the only one I wanted to talk to, but you were kinda the reason for the problem and I didn't want to make things awkward if it turned out to be nothing." Kurt looks thoughtful for a moment. I can tell there's a lot of things he wants to know.

"Is it just me? I'd hate for you to go through all this because I didn't know how to respect people's boundaries."

"At first, that's what I thought, but I've always noticed you in a way I didn't other guys. I thought it was because you're gay, but now I don't think so. There's something about you; you're personality. There's a spark in you and that's what I think is hot." I blushed a bit.

"After I figured that part of it out, I started to notice other, um, more physical things that I liked too. I-I've tried checking out other guys and girls. I'm just not attracted to people I don't know. It feels wrong to think about random people, whether they're a guy or a girl. I just- I don't know what that makes me." I finally stop and look at the ceiling, waiting for his reaction.

"Pansexual." Kurt whispers. He's a bit paler than usual, but he seems to be taking it better than I thought he would. He moves to sit next to me on his bed and just having him closer calms me down.

"What does that mean?"

"In your case, it means that you're attracted to personality rather than physicality. For some people, its being gender blind. You see people differently, inside-out." That made a lot of sense.

Pansexual. It was nice to have a word that made me feel less like a freak, less alone. That was the worst part of this whole thing; feeling completely on my own. I'm not gay. I know that, but I'm not straight either. It felt like I was the pickiest bi-sexual ever.

I smile at Kurt. I want to hug him, but it might be weird right now.

"You said earlier that you still love Rachel. Did you ever love Quinn?"

"No. I wanted to. I knew I was supposed to, but there was always something missing. Like she was too shallow to really understand me. I know I'm not the smartest person, but sometimes I don't know how to handle everything I feel. It's um," and I can't think of the word to save my life. It's right there, on the tip-.

"Overwhelming." Kurt supplies.

"Yeah," I nod my head with him and look into his eyes. They're really green right now. And bright. He's proud of me. I can see it. I smile at him and he smiles back.

"Okay." He pauses for a moment. He's really fighting with himself over what to say next.

"You- you were my first love, Finn. I had you on this pedestal for a long time. That night," he didn't have to tell me which one.

"That whole world I'd created in my head came crashing down. It was a good thing, really. My obsession with you had gotten to a really unhealthy point. I didn't see the real you anymore. I only saw the version of you I'd created. We should have talked about this a long time ago, but I didn't want to make you feel bad. I see, especially now, how hard it was on you." He took my hand in both of his and stared at it. His hands are so much smaller than mine. I want to say something to make him feel better, but nothing sounds quite right.

"I can see you now. I'm not caught up in some fantasy world and you're still most of things that I fell in love with. You're still kind and understanding. You're a great brother. You've handled this situation so well. I- I'm so proud of you." He squeezes my hand again and my heart flips just a little bit. I can't imagine what would happen if he actually kissed me.

So not the time for that.

"But I am with Blaine and I really do care about him. I've waited a long time to be over you and find someone who could accept me, completely, as I am. He understands me in a way I thought no one ever would, especially you." He stops for a second a takes a deep breath.

"So, you are completely over me?" slips out. Damn it.

He's a little shaky. I can tell he has to think very hard about his answer. I don't know if it's because he wants to spare my feelings or if he really has to think about the honest answer.

He drops my hand. Shit.

"I would be lying… if I said yes." He draws his legs up to his chest and covers them with his arms. He looks so small and conflicted. Fuck me.

Then it hits me.

Kurt still has feelings for me.

I'm smiling. Huge and goofy, I know it. He smiles sadly back at me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked, but I've been dying to know ever since you got with Blaine. He's a really cool guy and you deserve someone who's figured themselves out. He can love you completely. You can be everything he's ever going to need." I stop and really think about what that means for me and my happiness.

"I'm not sure I'll ever find just one person, one personality that makes me want to be faithful. Yes, I love Rachel and yes, I-" I'm second guessing now whether or not I can admit this to him. It's kind of a huge step.

"Yes, I love you, but I don't know that I could choose between you. Not that there's a choice. I still don't know if I'm ever going to stop being scared. Scared of what people will think of me. Scared of what I'd think of myself." He looks at me with that sad frown again and takes my hand back in to his.

"Finn, no matter who you end up being, there's nothing wrong with you. You're-" he looks down at my hand again and runs his fingers over my palm. It feels like heaven.

"You're such a good person. You want to make everyone happy and sometimes that hurts people, but your intentions are always good. You kissing a boy won't change that."

I look into his eyes, they're bluer now.

"Thanks, Kurt."

"No problem, Finn. I wish you could have felt comfortable enough to share this with me when it could have resulted in something. I'm still kind of dying to know what your lips taste like." His hands fly off of mine and onto his mouth.

We stare at each other for a few football field sized seconds.

"It's ok, Kurt. I don't expect anything and I would never do that to Blaine. I still have a lot of things to get through. He's always going to be the better option for you, no matter how curious we are. I'm not going to let you mess that up." Kurt nods at me, but I'm still staring at his mouth and I know he's still starting at mine. I look down at my lap.

"I think its best that I leave now. I'm still here for you. I don't care if its Blaine related or school, doesn't matter. You can always talk to me, okay?" I look up at him one last time. I know as soon as I leave this room, whatever connection we've made won't go away, but we'll have to ignore it.

We'll stomp it down until we can be brothers again.

I get off the bed and slowly walk to the door.

"I love you too, Finn." I hear him whisper.

I have to battle with myself not to turn around and take him. I've thought of so many ways that I want him and in that moment it actually feels like I have the courage to act. I would hate myself after though, if he even let me. So, I keep on walking. I open the door and close it without looking behind me.

I walk to my room feeling more at peace than I have in a long time. Despite the dull ache in my heart, I know myself a little better now.

I'm _okay_ with the fact that I almost made out with a boy. That I could have. God, I wanted to.

The want isn't new though.

The feeling of acceptance is.

**A/N: **I'm going to leave this incomplete for now, but I'm not sure if I'll be expanding it. Again, I thank Fanfiction for all the money it saved me. Review!

I don't own anything.


	2. Chapter 2

Four words, Kurt Hummel. You can do it. You had no trouble a few weeks ago, so they do in fact exist in your vocabulary… Hello?

"I love you too."

Finally. See, not so hard.

I stare across the table at a Blaine who looks very much in love. With me. Damn.

I've only ever wanted two people. It seemed for a very long time that I would never have either of them. Then all of a sudden I finally hit puberty (thank god for small miracles) and I've got everything I could have ever wanted.

"You know, when you stop and think about it, Kurt Hummel's had a pretty good year."

Even as Mercedes distracted me, and my obsession with Pippa came tumbling out, one thing bothered me.

Did I mean it?

Do I love Blaine?

Of course I do. I've been after him for months.

He understands me and he respects me.

But Finn made me feel sexier in five minutes than Blaine has made me feel in three months and Finn never even touched me.

Not that Blaine touches me very often anyway.

Dear, Gaga, what does that mean?

0.0.0

Nothing happened.

I admitted to myself and to Kurt that I'm not straight and the sky didn't fall down. No one looks at me strangely. I thought for sure that as soon as I admitted it out loud, people would sense it.

That was probably pretty stupid though. It's not like I turned purple or anything. That would be cool.

Anyway, its summer now and I'm starting to get into the lazy groove. Sleep until noon and then eat til two.

Take a nap around four and wake up just in time for dinner.

It's fucking amazing.

Having Kurt around all the time has been both awesome and awkward. Since Blaine's doing six shows a week, Kurt's been moping around the house.

We're both trying really hard to make things go back to how they were, but we still have moments.

Like when we pass each other on the stairs and have to turn sideways and brush up against one another a bit just to get by. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't taken slight advantage of that a few times.

It just feels so damn good to have his chest against mine, even if it's just for a second.

But then I also kissed Rachel and cost us Nationals.

Have I mentioned how fucked I am?

Cause I'm totally screwed.

I told myself not to get involved with Rachel again. I knew it was a bad idea because I might still hurt her, but when she's next to me and smiling at me, I don't think right.

It's like with Kurt, my brain turns to mush.

Things fall out of my mouth at the wrong time and I do things with my mouth I know I shouldn't do.

I'm also so freaking stubborn. The fact that Rachel didn't want to take part in my stupid mistake only made me want to make it that much more.

Oh, and Jesse. Fuck him.

Like, really, fuck him.

If Rachel's hesitance hadn't pushed me over the edge, his ass sure did.

I still have two more weeks on my own before Rachel comes back from L.A with her dads. I should probably use the rest of that time to get over Kurt. Or at least try, instead of perving on him over the kitchen table.

I know he notices. I know it makes him smile and that only makes me want to do it more.

What Rachel and I have isn't specifically exclusive anyway. We both know that she's gonna go to New York and be famous. We both know that I'll go to OU and where would that put us?

But it's the same thing with Kurt.

They're both going places.

What the fuck am I doing?

My senior year of high school starts in two months.

Am I gonna let these people I love go just because I don't have the balls to follow them?

Putting aside actually choosing between them for a second, they both make me dream.

Before Glee, I aspired to be a second string Quarterback in college and then, if I got lucky, manager of something dignified. Not a gas station.

Those were my standards.

Now, when I close my eyes, I see Rachel and I on stage at Nationals, but then it's not the stage for Nationals. All of a sudden, it's some concert hall or Broadway stage and we're opening a play together.

Or Kurt and I walking down the hall at McKinley, but then the lockers fade away and we're walking down a red carpet at a premiere.

It's not just following them anymore either. I really want those things. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not just Lima good.

What if I am New York good? Or L.A good?

What if it was my _job_ to entertain people?

That would be fucking sweet.

So, I'm not just on a band wagon, or afraid of losing them. I think it could also really make me happy.

Which is really difficult these days.

I'm gonna go for it.

I'm not stupid and I've been around Rachel long enough to be able to admit that I'm talented.

I've just decided that I'm talented enough.

Wow.

Kurt would be so proud of me right now, figuring shit out on my own.

0.0.0

Eavesdropping is bad. I know I shouldn't be doing it, but Kurt sounds unhappy and I need to know who's face I need to break.

"No, of course I love you, but I never _see _you. You don't call nearly as much as you used to. Texting is great, but it's not the same. I-I just want to spend time with you, in some way. I don't think that's too much to ask."

So, it's Blaine. As much as I like Blaine and hate to see Kurt sad, I'm glad they're fighting. It's selfish, I know.

"God, Blaine, listen. If I didn't want you, I wouldn't care. If you were just a namesake boyfriend, it wouldn't bother me, but I chose you." Kurt stops for a second and my heart breaks just a little.

Kurt did choose Blaine. Over me.

I wonder, for the first time, if Blaine really knows what he has.

"No, never mind. Forget it and go do your show. I'll see you in a week." I can tell that Blaine just got hung up on.

I also hear the distinct cracking noise of Kurt's phone hitting the wall.

Do I go in and comfort him? Would it be weird when both of us know that I'm not really that sorry?

I'm still trying to decide when the door opens and Kurt glares at me. Whoops.

Stealth is not one of my talents. Obviously.

0.0.0

Face to face with a nosy Finn and a ringing phone in my hand, I realize just how messed up this situation is. I've been trying to tell myself for weeks that I can make this work.

I can be Finn's brother and Blaine's boyfriend because that's how it's supposed to be.

I look down at the caller ID even though I know who it is. I don't know if I want to answer. I shouldn't have hung up on him, but he doesn't understand. I take one long look at Finn and close my door again. I drop back on my bed and close my eyes.

He doesn't understand because for the first time since we met, I'm keeping something from him. How can I expect him to react appropriately when I'm not being honest with him?

I want to him to feel threatened. I want him to _want_ me the way that Finn so obviously does.

The way Finn looks at me sometimes makes me question my sanity.

I've never considered myself a very sexual being. In fact, I actively avoided it for a very long time.

But I've never been more turned on than when Finn looks at me.

I blush and my whole body runs hot then suddenly cold when I remember that I shouldn't feel this way about someone who isn't my boyfriend.

It's not just the physical attraction either. The very definition of what Finn is makes this whole situation so incredibly flattering. Yes, it's obvious he's found things about my body he likes, but he _loves_ my soul. My romantic heart flutters every time I think about it.

That doesn't completely discount what I have with Blaine. Everything I told Finn is still true even if things with Blaine aren't perfect right now. I do still love him.

I still don't know what kind of love, but I'm not going to give him up just so Finn can pick Rachel over me again.

I feel like Rachel would always loom over us. I would always wonder if he was thinking of her.

All of these thoughts are also hinged on Finn actually wanting to act on any of his obvious feelings.

He said he was conflicted about actually doing anything with a boy, but I don't doubt that he loves me.

My phone starts to ring again and I answer without looking to see who it is.

"Hello?"

"Please don't hang up."

"Finn? Why are you calling me? You're right down the hall."

"I know, but you slammed the door in my face, so I thought you were mad at me for listening. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for eavesdropping and that I'm here, like I said, if you want to talk about it."

"That's sweet, Finn, but I don't think that would be a good idea. I have to call Blaine back. I'll come see you when I'm done."

"Okay. Good luck."

I push the end button and stare at my phone for a moment.

Finn really did have his amazing moments.

I hold true to my word and call Blaine.

This is going to suck.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I only have a few minutes before call."

"I know. I just didn't want to leave things that way. I'm sorry I hung up on you."

"It's okay. I know you've been frustrated with my schedule. I guess I didn't realize how much. You know I want to see you, but I can't make it happen more than once a week."

"I know. I know. It's not so much that I can't see you, as I feel a little isolated. This show is your life right now and I'm jealous."

"You know I'm doing this for us, right? I mean I never came out and said it before, but all the money I earn this summer is going straight into a New York fund. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure our dreams come true. This is just the first step."

"B-Blaine, I n-need to tell you something."

"As worrying as that statement is, I really have to go. I'll call you as soon as I'm done, okay? I love you, Kurt. Don't ever forget that."

"I-i… I won't."

I can sense his disappointment and anxiety as we hang up.

What in Prada's name am I doing?

What am I going to tell Blaine?

No amount of deflection is going to get me out of this mess. It's probably best that I'm honest with him, but how much honesty will he be able to handle? We are obviously not on the same page as to where our relationship is going. He practically just told me he wants me to be his Partner. There's a huge distinction between Boyfriend and Partner.

Fuck.

I haven't necessarily done anything wrong. I haven't technically cheated on him, but I haven't discouraged Finn at all since that first day. I haven't told him to stop.

But Finn's with Rachel. My being honest will only get me dumped.

No, I can't think that way.

Blaine deserves to know the truth. I'll just have to deal with the consequences.

I sigh and crawl out of bed. I told Finn I would go talk to him and I really should.

I knock on Finn's door and he answers, silently letting me in.

**A/N: **This is officially a multi-chapter fic. Not sure how long it will be, but I'm really into it so far. Any of you waiting for a "If Morning Can't Wait" update, should be up later today. Yay for days off.

Also, Klaine tour kiss. Holy shit. My brain is broken. I love Darren so much.

Alto


	3. Chapter 3

I have no idea what to expect as I let Kurt into my room. I can tell immediately that his talk with Blaine didn't go well. He sits on my bed and puts his head in his hands. I can't tell if he's crying or just thinking.

"Kurt, how did it go?" I sit next to him on the bed and run my hand over his back. He leans back into my touch and that makes me smile.

"I don't even know. Bad, probably. He has to call me back after he's finished his show." He's definitely crying. He raises his head out of his hands and looks at me, small tear tracks on both of his cheeks. I reach my hand up to wipe them off, but he turns away from me.

"He-he made it very clear that he wants us to be together well after high school, but I have no idea what I want. It's not right to let him continue to think he's everything I need, because I don't know if that's true." He looks at me, puffy red eyes and blotchy cheeks, and I don't think he's ever looked more beautiful. No, he's here as my brother, I have to focus.

"Well, um, what's missing?"

His cheeks grow even redder and he smiles.

"The way you look at me," he whispers, like he's ashamed to say it out loud.

"Blaine never looks at me like that. He's in love with me, but I don't turn him on."

For the first time, I think Kurt might be stupid. There's no possible way that Blaine is unaffected by Kurt's sexiness. Its.. damn it. What's the word? Palable? No. Palpable. Yes.

"I don't believe that. Have you, like, talked to him about it? Does he know that's even something you think about? I know it's not something you were really comfortable with for a long time. Maybe he's just respecting your space and what he thinks you want."

Kurt looks really surprised.

"What, I notice things, okay? I know I'm not the smartest dude around, but even-" I stop for a second to consider the best way to bring up our past.

"Even before, when you liked me, it never felt like you wanted to jump me. It felt like you wanted to cuddle and maybe kiss me, but there wasn't anything, um, sexual about it. Maybe you just need to show him that _you_ want _him_ and I'm sure everything will work itself out."

Why am I helping the boy I love get it on with his boyfriend? Because I'm awesome. Really, I deserve the best brother freaking ever award.

"Wow, Finn. I- you're right. It's just recently that, well, I think I finally hit puberty. If my voice changes, I'm going to die. But, I'm also not sure that I want Blaine. Every time I think about sex, it's-."

My heart skips a beat. I know that look. I know what Kurt is trying to say, but I want to hear him say it.

"It's not Blaine, I think about."

There's so much energy in the small space between us.

"Who?" I say simply and nudge his shoulder with mine.

He throws me the 'Don't make me say it' look, but I'm being selfish again. I want to hear my name on his lips so badly.

My whole body is on fire just thinking about what that would mean for us.

He gets up off the bed, walks to the other side of my room and leans against the desk.

"You, Finn. I think about you. I know it's not right. I know that you're with Rachel and I'm with Blaine, but every time you look at me, like you did in the Kitchen this morning, I can't help but think about what it would be like to-" He stops himself, almost violently, and looks down at the ground.

This is so fucked up, but I _have_ to know what he thinks about doing to me or what he dreams about me doing to him. It's just talking. I won't touch him and he won't touch me. It's not wrong, but I know it's not really right either.

"Please tell me. I-It might help to just say it. Maybe it will help us both move on."

I know that's bullshit. It's only going to make me want him more. He looks like he knows that too, but I can tell he wants to talk about it.

Whatever changes his body has gone through the last few months, they affected his mind too. He never would have considered this a year ago. It would have scared the shit out of him.

He walks even farther away from me and looks out my window. He's trying to put as much distance between us as possible, which is probably smart.

"I-I think about what it would be like to push you up against the counter and, um, go down on you. I think about what you would taste like and how your hands would feel in my hair. I-"

"Stop, Kurt."

I was wrong. I don't want to know. The desire I felt rushing through me was not something I could control and I'm not going to do that myself or to him.

"I can't just sit here and listen to you talk like that. I-I'll lose it and that's not what either of us wants. I thought I could control myself, but I can't. What you do to me, Kurt, it's like nothing I've ever felt before. I don't know how much longer I can do this."

I look down at my hands. I'm not really known for my self control and I feel like I've used more in the last five minutes than I have my whole life.

"Talk to Blaine. Be honest with him about what you want. He's gay, he's got eyes, and he loves you, so I think you'll be surprised at how much he wants the same things you do."

God, it hurt to say that. It hurt to think about anyone else's hands on Kurt, but he's not mine. He may never be mine and I have to accept that. I'll hold on to my hope, at least until after Kurt talks to Blaine.

If Kurt is right and Blaine doesn't want him, well first I'll eat my smelliest gym sock, but then I'll take him without feeling any guilt.

All of a sudden, Kurt is standing in front of me. I look up at him and he smiles at me. Bright and huge. Beautiful.

"Thank you, Finn." He leans down and I pull him into a tight hug that lingers between romantic and platonic for a few seconds before crashing into awesome when he loses his balance and falls into my lap.

I know he should get up. I know it's wrong to hold him, but I can't stop. I keep my arms around him and put my nose in his hair. He smells like vanilla.

He lets out a contented sigh and snuggles deeper into me chest.

It feels so damn right.

But he doesn't belong to me and for the hundredth time I have to remind myself that it's _not_ right. At least not yet.

Kurt has to level things out with Blaine and I have to figure out this whole Rachel situation.

So, reluctantly, I pull my arms away and let him stand.

"You're welcome. Now, I need you to leave."

He looks sad for a second, but he catches on pretty quickly.

"You're amazing." He whispers in my ear, kisses me on the cheek and then leaves, closing the door behind him.

My hand flies to my cheek and I can feel myself blushing.

Damn.

0.0.0

I still have plenty of time to think before Blaine calls back and I feel like I'll need every second.

As much as I've always loved Finn, I never thought of him as emotionally mature. He's a boy and yes, he thinks more than most guys I know, but he also cheated. When all of that came out, I thought that even if he were to suddenly be gay, I could never fully trust him.

That was one of the very first things that attracted me to Blaine. He's so honest and level headed.

He's also been through some horrible things and he's still so strong.

He's everything I ever told myself I wanted in a boy, so why does Finn Hudson still make me swoon?

And, now, more than that.

God, he makes me hard.

Maybe Finn is right and Blaine's ridiculous self control is allowing him to hide how much he wants me, but I don't know if it will change anything.

Finn has grown into a man that I'm not sure I can ignore.

He's observant, patient, kind, goofy, but loyal.

I think I owe Blaine a chance to build the chemistry in our relationship. He's my best friend and he's gorgeous, but now that I know what the slow burn of sexual tension feels like, I'm not sure I can be in a relationship without it.

It sounds really shallow, but it's addictive.

My phone beeps indicating that I have a text message.

**Blaine:** _I'm on my way. Whatever is going on, I get the feeling it shouldn't be said over the phone. Show just got out, so I'll see you in an hour. I love you._

Shit.

No, he's right. I really should have this conversation face to face. He deserves that from me.

**Kurt:** _Okay. I love you too._

**Blaine: **_Don't ever say it if you don't mean it. Really, Kurt. I'd rather know now. We'll talk soon though._

I feel the tears start to fall from my eyes. As many times as I try, I can't find a response. I want so badly to be able to tell him that his fears are unfounded and that I do love him, because I know I do, but it feels like we mean two different things when we say those words.

Love's meaning has changed for me. I used to think that love was unconditional acceptance and compassion. That's still true and Blaine and I certainly share that, but love also needs passion and that's what I fear Blaine and I will always lack.

I do owe him the chance to prove me wrong. It would be silly to give up such strong relationship with out fighting for it.

Maybe once I'm honest with Blaine, I'll stop thinking about Finn so much.

Right.

0.0.0

Just over an hour later, the door bell rings.

I run down the stairs and open the door to let Blaine in.

He looks disheveled.

I instantly feel guilty and I know it shows.

"Hi." I say softly.

"Hi." He says back just as softly. We stand there in my living room staring at each other for a few seconds.

I have no idea what to say. I don't know where to start or what I want, but seeing him changes things.

"Come on." I grab his hand and lace our fingers together as I drag him up the stairs.

As we enter my room the tension breaks just a bit. He's looking at our hands sadly. I wonder if he thinks this is the last time we'll hold hands.

It might be, but it all depends on how he reacts.

I sit on the bed and squeeze his hand, pulling him to sit next to me.

He still looks incredibly unsure.

"I'm sorry," we say together. I smile when he does and one more barrier between us falls.

"I'll go first," I say and turn towards him. I take a deep breath and try to steady my voice.

"Something happened a few weeks ago. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you. I didn't really know what it meant or what it would do to us until today." I'm fucking this up pretty bad and Blaine looks like he's about to cry, but he doesn't say anything.

"Finn loves me." I try not to add too much emotion as I say it.

"Oh," he says looking confused.

"Like you loved him?" Blaine asks, still puzzled.

I shake my head and his face softens instantly.

"Like I _love_ him." Blaine's head snaps up and his eyes meet mine. I'm pleading with him silently to understand.

"I-I never really stopped." He pulls his hand from mine and stands up. He starts pacing back and forth in front of my bed.

"So, you don't want to be with me because the one you've been waiting for, the one I'm a place holder for, finally wants you?" he asks incredulously. I can't blame him for his anger. I've hurt him.

"Did- did you cheat on me with him?" Blaine asks furiously. No matter how angry he gets, there's an undertone of sadness to everything he says.

"I don't know how to answer that." I don't want to say yes, because physically, I didn't do anything wrong. Mentally and emotionally, I completely screwed up.

"Usually, a yes or no is a good start." He whispers intensely. It's louder than any scream I've ever heard.

"Physically, no." I reach for his hand and he lets me lace our fingers together again. That's a good sign. I try to pull him back to the bed, but he won't budge.

"Tell me everything. Don't spare my feelings. I need to know if we can fix this and if you even want to." He looks at me and my breath hitches. There's so much sadness in his eyes. I hang my head in shame and accept that, whatever he decides, we may never be the same.

By the time I finish telling him about the first day, he's already sitting against the headboard with his arms crossed, looking very angry. Of course he moved when I told him that I'd told Finn I loved him first.

"I think I'm going to consider that cheating." He said heatedly, but motioned for me to continue.

I start to tell him about my conversation with Finn earlier, but realize I can't really do that until I confront Blaine about what's been missing from our relationship.

"There's more, but before I tell you, I have to ask you something." We've already gotten this far and he's still here listening to me, so that has to mean something.

"Do you want me?" I ask softly.

The anger in his eyes fades just slightly.

"Of course I want to be with you. This- this complicates things, but-"

"That's not what I asked. Blaine, do you _want_ me?" Realization flashes across his face and he leans forward to take my hand.

"I didn't think you were ready. I wasn't going to push you or scare you away. Are you telling me you do want that? More importantly do you want that with me or _Finn_?" His voice is filled with bitterness and he drops my hand to cross his arms across his chest defensively again.

"I-I don't know. I really do love you, Blaine. I know that it doesn't feel like it right now, but I've loved you since the day I met you. I'm confused because then, love was a much simpler thing to me. Love meant you holding my hand while we drank coffee and kissing you goodbye after Warblers. Now, love means those things and a whole element of life that I've actively run away from. Sex means something to me now. I never thought it would. I never expected it to take over my better judgment, but in a lot of ways it has." I shrug my shoulders and try to figure out where best to go from here.

"I know your mind, I know your heart, but I need to know that the passion you exhibit for so many other things is something you can have for me too. I want to feel sexy and you've never made me feel that way. Quite the opposite, usually."

He looks a bit ashamed and confused.

"I'm very attracted to you. Like I said, I didn't know how long it would take for you to be comfortable thinking about sex, much less having it, but if that's what you want Kurt, that's what we'll do. You are in complete control of that aspect of our relationship. Just know that I _do_ want you and you are sexy, but I will never pressure you into something you're not ready for."

I contemplate his answer for a moment. It's not exactly what I'd hoped for. There still isn't a hint of fire in his eyes, but he's also very angry with me right now, so maybe I should give it some time.

"Okay. Do you still want to hear the rest?"

"No, but I have to. I see now that if I had been honest with you about what I want, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. I have to take responsibility for my part in this mess. So, go ahead."

He leans back against the headboard again and waits patiently.

This part is going to be hard because I can't tell Blaine anything without telling him how much I want Finn and just how much Finn wants me.

"Before I tell you this, I need you to understand how much Finn respects you and your place in my life. It's not his intention to take me from you or hurt you."

Blaine nods and motions for me to continue.

"One morning, I caught Finn staring at me." I pause trying to handle this as delicately as possible.

"I-I was astounded, even after our conversation a few weeks earlier. I didn't know how to react to someone so openly desiring me. I should have told him to stop. It should have made me uncomfortable, but it didn't. I tried not to encourage him, but I won't lie, it made me smile." I pause again to gauge Blaine's reaction. He's smiling sadly, which is not what I had expected.

"We never talked about it at all until today. I went to talk to him after we hung up. I was really upset. I told him how scared I was about your plans for our future. He asked me what was missing that made me question our relationship, again as nothing more than a friend." Blaine's brow furrowed deeply at that and I knew it wasn't going to get any easier.

"You told him what you told me?" he asks and I nod.

"He told me to talk to you and be honest. He didn't believe it was possible that you didn't want me, but he-"

"He really does love you." Blaine whispers. Our eyes meet and he bites his lip.

"I get it" Blaine continues.

"That kind of attention and openness, especially for someone in your situation, I understand why you didn't tell him to stop. I think I'm starting to understand this whole situation. It's not that you don't love me or that you love Finn more than me, he's just more comfortable being obvious about what he wants." He stops and moves closer to me, pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me.

It's the most intimate embrace we've ever shared.

He pulls my arms up and places them around his neck. Before I can think about how different this is for us, Blaine is kissing me, his lips moving against mine slowly and deeply.

It's everything I wanted it to be.

I feel his tongue sweep across my bottom lip and I let him in. He tastes like coffee and mint.

It's delicious.

I pull away and look into his eyes.

It's there. My heart breaks because that look, that fire that I've been looking for in those hazel eyes is staring back at me and I have no idea how it makes me feel.

My uncertainty is probably written all over my face because Blaine smiles sadly at me and kisses me again, but this kiss is soft and sweet.

"Do you see now?" he asks and I nod.

"I didn't want to risk losing you over something that was completely in my control. I never thought that it might have the reverse effect. I'm still a little angry with you, but only because you weren't honest with me. I-I need you to talk to me about these things. Even if it's hard, okay? Even if you think it's going to hurt me."

I nod again and hug him, caressing the crook of his neck with my nose.

"I still don't know what I want. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have, but what's going on with me and Finn, its intense and I can't stop or help how I feel." It sucks to say because I know Blaine might break up with me.

"You-"

As if on cue, Finn bursts through the door.

"Hey, Kurt, who's-" He stops, realizing he barged in on an intimate moment.

"Sorry, I'll just-" He starts to turn around.

"No," Blaine says firmly.

"It's good that you're here. We need to talk, all three of us."

**A/N: **So, huge dose of Klaine. I have some idea about where this is headed. I've been reading some beautiful threesome stories, which I didn't think I could ever get into, but they're intriguing when done correctly. So, options.

1) Blaine and Kurt enter into an open relationship until Kurt can get his shit together.

2) Blaine and Kurt decide to be friends. (Can't say this one is too realistic for me.)

3) Blaine just leaves the picture all together.

4) Blaine is fucking awesome and wants them both.

1 and 4 are my favorites, but I really want to know what you all think.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted/favorited. So much love.

Alto


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning: **Masturbation.**  
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I never thought it would hurt to see Kurt and Blaine together. Probably because they never really look like more than best friends in front of other people, but walking into Kurt's room and seeing Kurt in Blaine's lap, it hurt.

"Sorry, I'll just-"

Get me the fuck out of here.

"No." I hear Blaine say, so I turn back around.

"It's good that you're here. We need to talk, all three of us."

I know Blaine's a pretty rational guy. I know he's also like six inches shorter than me, but I'm a little scared.

Kurt removes himself from Blaine's lap, I think he could tell it bothered me, and motioned for me to sit in the chair at his desk. Uncomfortable doesn't really cover how tense this moment is.

Blaine is staring me down, but not in anger. It's like he's sizing me up, trying to figure out what my intentions are.

Kurt is looking uncertainly between the two of us. I know he's torn.

"Kurt's told me everything." Blaine finally says.

"I know that neither of you did this intentionally." He starts and Kurt and I nod.

"I know you're a good guy, Finn, and that you wouldn't hurt Kurt on purpose. I'm really trying to put myself in more of a best friend role here, for Kurt. I-I want you to acknowledge right now, in front of me, that you love him."

Wow. Blaine just- why isn't he angry?

"I love him." I say as steadily as I can, but I can't meet either of their eyes. It's strange to say in front of Blaine. I keep expecting him to snap any second.

Blaine measures me up again, impressed.

"Okay, if given the chance, would you tell other people? Would you tell your parents?" His tone surprises me again, like he's trying to help me as much as he's helping Kurt. It's a bit unnerving.

"I don't know yet. I guess it depends on what Kurt wants. He- he's the only guy I would come out for, but if we-" and this is really strange. How do I say this to Blaine? I'm sure he doesn't want to think about losing Kurt anymore than I want to think about him keeping Kurt.

"For right now, I'd like to keep this between the three of us. I mean, I'll tell Rachel about my side when she gets back, but-"

Kurt's eyes get really wide.

"Finn, I know Rachel loves you, but if she knows then Mercedes will know and then Tina will know. You mine as well just tell the whole club if you're going to tell her. I want you to really think about that. There might not be any rea-" he stops and puts the palm of his hand to his forehead, like he's got a monster headache. Hell, he probably does.

Blaine looks like he's thinking really hard, but he looks hopeful. I think he just realized how big of a shot he still has with Kurt. I think part of him had already given up, which kind of bothers me. If Kurt does decide to stay with him, doesn't he deserve someone who's willing to fight for him? Doesn't he deserve someone who understands how much attention he needs, someone who will love him _and_ make him happy?

"I have to tell Rachel." I shrug.

"She deserves to know and I think she'll understand."

There's another long moment of silence.

"Okay," Blaine says quietly.

"Kurt," he turns and grabs both of Kurt's hands. I turn away because I really don't need to see them make out, if that's where this leads.

"I love you. I want to be with you, but I'd also like to be realistic. You two live together and there's a ridiculous amount of tension between you. I'm an hour away with limited free time right now. I could quit the show, but I get the feeling that's not what you want." He stops and looks down at their hands. Kurt is trying to say something, his mouth opening and closing a few times.

"I would if you asked me to. If you want me here and you think you need me here to figure this out, all you have to do is ask."

Damn that would suck, seeing them all couple-y all the time. I turn back to look at them. Kurt squeezes Blaine's hand. I can't help but think there's something just not right about how they look at each other and how they respond to each other. If I had Kurt that close to me, and I had the right, he would be in my lap. He'd never leave. But Blaine's holding his hand and their legs are barely even touching. I don't get it.

"I can't ask you do to that, Blaine. Not when I'm so confused. It doesn't seem fair." Blaine's face falls and he slowly removes his hands from Kurt's. For some reason, Kurt starts to cry. I really feel like I should leave. I'm not meant to be here for this.

"Blaine, please," Kurt sobs and I'm still completely confused.

"No, Kurt, I think it's for the best, at least for right now. We all have some things to work through and it would be easier-" he stops and a few tears fall from his eyes too. Now I'm really uncomfortable. They're staring into each other's eyes. It's obvious to me, in that moment, how much they love each other, but if I were Blaine, I wouldn't be giving Kurt the choice. I would be here, no matter what, fighting for him.

"I-I'm so sorry, Blaine." Kurt launches himself in to Blaine's arms and hugs him tightly, resting his head on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine rocks them slowly and makes comforting noises.

"I know, honey." He whispers and I know they've forgotten I'm even here at this point. It feels like maybe I _was_ supposed to be here though. As uncomfortable as it is, it's given me a whole new respect for Blaine and Kurt's relationship. If Kurt does choose to be with me, I'll never take for granted the fact that he has other, pretty awesome, options.

They hold each other for a few more minutes, whispering things I can't quite make out. I'm trying really hard not to intrude on their moment. I know how important this to Kurt, but my nose itches.

I sneeze.

Really? Awesome timing. My body hates me.

I look up and both of them are staring at me, obviously out of their little moment and smiling at me.

I sneeze one more time because I always do and groan. It fucking hurts.

"Sorry," I finally say.

"I didn't mean to interrupt." I rub my nose and they laugh at me. How can they be laughing when they just broke up?

Holy shit. They just broke up.

Do I say I'm sorry? No, that'd be fake and we all know it. Damn, this is awkward. We're all just staring at one another, trying to figure out where to go from here.

Blaine looks really torn about something and I think it's leaving Kurt alone with me. I can't really blame him.

"I really should be heading back." He stands and goes to reach for Kurt's hand but drops it immediately, looking sad again. Kurt laces their fingers together and looks down at their hands.

"I won't ever say goodbye to you." Kurt whispers and a few more stray tears roll down each of their cheeks.

"I'd like to see you try." Blaine whispers back. They hug again and Blaine shoots me a contemplative, yet threatening glare from over Kurt's shoulder. He lets go of Kurt and walks the short distance between us.

"Finn, I know I don't have to say this because you already know, but I'm going to anyway. If you hurt him, I don't care how freakishly tall you are, I will kick your ass."

The weird thing is, I totally believe him. I'd let him. We both know it.

I nod my head. There's no reason to say anything.

As Blaine leaves, it really hits me.

Kurt chose me.

I look at him, tears still running down his rosy cheeks, and can't really believe it.

The teenage boy in me wants him, right this very second.

But the man in me, the one that loves Kurt Hummel more than anything, can see he'll need time.

Oh, I do. Staring into Kurt's shining eyes, it all makes sense. I'm in love with him.

I can see the difference now.

I love Rachel. I probably always will, but all the doubt is gone. All the worrying that I'll never find the person that completes me is over because he's standing right here in front of me with a half broken heart.

"Kurt," I want to comfort him. I really want to tell him what I just figured out. We chose each other.

But I know it's not the right time.

"Whenever you're ready, you know you can talk to me about anything." He nods and climbs onto his bed, curling up in to a ball.

It's so hard to leave him like that. I just stare at him for a few minutes before heading for the door.

"Don't worry about dinner, we'll order a pizza." I say as an afterthought. Kurt usually cooks, but I know he won't be in the mood tonight.

"Thank you." He says around his pillow.

"No problem." I say as I close his door.

What a day. Should I call Rachel or should I wait til she gets back and tell her face to face?

Ugh, this part is going to suck, but Kurt is so worth it.

0.0.0

I know he's not completely gone, but I think I've lost a part of him forever. We'll never be a couple again. I really hope we can still be friends. He's still my best friend.

And I hurt him. That is what upsets me the most. The very last thing I wanted to do was make Blaine cry.

I've never seen him cry before even with everything we've been through together.

And I never wanted to.

But it's done. I can't change how I feel or what I don't feel. I'm starting to realize all the things I don't feel about Blaine that I should.

Having both Blaine and Finn in the room was nerve wracking for me, but it really did help.

I thought that Blaine understood me better than Finn, but I was wrong. Blaine gets all the superficial things about me that Finn is too distracted to notice. Finn understands things about me that I could never say out loud, that I don't know if I could even explain.

The question is, am I that person for him too? Can I be? Does he even want me to be?

Even after all this, he might still pick Rachel.

I don't think I could handle that anymore. Before, I would have stepped aside as long she made him happy. Now, I'm not so sure I could give in without a fight.

Craziest thing is, we haven't even kissed yet. I've imagined it thousands of times, but in reality I still don't know what his lips feel like against mine.

It's a little frightening to feel so much and not have any kind of physical contact to reaffirm it.

We have to get there at some point. Even if this doesn't happen and he chooses Rachel or some other person comes along eventually. I cannot go through life wondering what Finn Hudson's mouth tastes like.

I have to know.

0.0.0

I'm sitting in my room, waiting for my mom and Burt to get home from work. I tried playing COD, but I died like fifteen times in the first match. I so don't have the extra brain power to dodge sniper fire right now.

"_Highway run into the midnight sun. Wheels go round and round-"_

It's Rachel. I'm so not ready for this. Ok, Hudson. You can do this.

"Hey,"

"Hi."

"How's California? Is it hot?" Ha, see, normal conversation.

"Um, not as much as I thought it would be. It's actually pretty mild right now." There's something off in her voice. It's a little too shaky.

"You okay, Rach?"

"I'm, well, I'm good. I just have some news."

"Okay. I do too, but you first." Hopefully hers is worse than falling in love with your step-brother. That might take some of the pressure off.

"I-" It sounds like she might cry.

"Rach-"

"I'm not coming back, Finn." How could I not have seen that coming?

"I auditioned for a few TV shows while I was out here, mostly just for the auditioning experience, but I got one. I-I can't believe it. It's really happening." Now I can hear that they're happy tears, or whatever she calls them.

"That's amazing." I don't really know what else to say. What is Glee Club going to be without Rachel Berry? How am I going to make it through senior year without my best friend?

"What was your news?" She asks, still sounding a little teary.

Is this really the right time to tell her? Mine as well get it out there.

"I'm in love with Kurt." I say boldly.

"Oh," She sounds a little surprised, but not sad.

"Yeah, it just sort of-"

"No, that makes a lot of sense. He's- he's good for you, Finn, but what about Blaine? I mean, as dramatic as unrequited love is-"

"I'm not completely sure what unrequited means, but he just broke up with Blaine. Like five minutes ago." This is getting a little uncomfortable. Only because it sounds like I'm an asshole that stole some other guy's boyfriend. Even though I kind of just did.

"Wow. I didn't think that would ever happen. So, you're, um, bisexual?" It's kind of funny to hear someone as confident as Rachel sound so unsure of herself.

"Kurt said I'm pansexual. It means-" But I'm cut off as she starts to outright laugh in my ear.

"I know what it means. It fits. So, you like the divas huh?" She asks playfully. I love when she's like this.

"Looks like it, but please don't tell Kurt I called him a diva. He'll kill me." She laughed again. This was much easier than I expected it to be.

"Will you be back at all to move?"

"No, my dad's are taking care of the move. I have my first read through next week."

"I really am happy for you Rachel. And, like, is it weird to say I'm proud of you?"

"Not at all. I'm proud of you too, for being honest with yourself about Kurt. I expect updates, okay? I will visit when I have time, so this isn't goodbye or anything. I mean obviously we're breaking up, but-"

"Yeah, I know, Rachel. You're-" And now I'm starting to tear up a bit. God, what has Kurt done to me?

"You're my best friend, Rachel. I'm gonna miss you." There's a long pause.

"I'll miss you too, Finn. So much, but we'll still talk on the phone and maybe Skype. I don't know if Kurt's the jealous type. I wouldn't want him to think I'm stealing back his boyfriend." Just the way she said it, implied that I was already Kurt's boyfriend and that made me smile.

"We're not quite there yet, Rach, but hopefully soon. I promise to call you when it's official."

"Ok, well, I have to go. My dad finally got a cab. I-I love you, Finn." My smile grows a bit wider because I know we're on the same page.

"Love you, too Rach. Good luck."

"Thanks, you too."

As I hit the end button, a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. I'm going to miss her like crazy, but at least she's happy and I know she's okay with me dating Kurt, which really feels inevitable now. Inevitable? That's right.

Damn, even my vocabulary has gotten better.

I hear the front door shut down stairs and get off my bed. Our parents are kind of the unknown factor here.

Well, Burt is. My mom will be okay with whatever makes me happy, but Burt might flip his shit. He was pretty cool with Blaine, but Blaine didn't sleep down the hall.

I hope that Burt and I have gotten close enough that he'll be able to understand how serious I am.

Here's to hoping.

Of course, Kurt and I have to actually get together first. Or should I ask Burt first? Would that seem more genuine?

Would Kurt be mad for assuming or overstepping?

I really like the idea of asking Burt first. I think it will show everyone how much Kurt means to me.

Should Kurt be there for this conversation? I think it would make him really uncomfortable, so maybe I'll ask Burt at dinner tonight while Kurt's upstairs.

Yes, I've got a game plan. Hmm, maybe I should wear my cup just in case.

I stop in to check on Kurt on my way down stairs and I'm a little surprised to find him still awake.

"Hey." I say quietly.

"Hi." He smiles at me from the bed, his hair all messed up and his clothes all rumpled.

He is way too sexy.

"So, I just talked to Rachel." He tenses up a bit.

"I told her. We're not together anymore and she knows we never will be." Kurt's eyes are huge with possibility. I love when they're that green.

"She's not coming back."

"I want you to know that I chose you before I even knew that." I reach out and grab his hand. I lace our fingers together and it feels so perfect.

"She's not?" He sounds uncertain and maybe a little sad. They had gotten closer in the last year.

"She got a part on some TV show. She's not even coming back to get her stuff. I guess she starts next week."

"Wow."

"That bitch made it before I did."I know he's playing. Kurt and Rachel have this secret language that I will never understand.

"Don't worry, we'll make it too."I say softly. He squeezes my hand.

"I thought you were going to play football, Mr. Ohio."I smile at the nickname, but this conversation has taken a serious turn I hadn't expected.

"I-I want to ask for your dad's permission to date you. I want to do this right and be up front about everything." Kurt sits up in his bed. He's smiling so wide I can see his teeth. I love that smile.

"Are you serious? Finn, please don't, not if you're-" I can't take it anymore. I place my hand on his cheek, rubbing my thumb in slow circles. His eyes meet mine and he licks his lips. That's it. The second our lips touch, fireworks don't come close, this is an earthquake. This is lightening.

I swipe my tongue across his bottom lip and he lets me in, tracing my tongue with his.

I groan into the kiss and he spreads his fingers through my hair pushing our heads impossibly closer together and pulling himself closer to me.

My eyes roll back in my head when Kurt sucks on my tongue, pulsating wickedly.

We have to stop. This is not the order that I wanted things to happen. I separate from Kurt and he lets out a disappointed groan.

I pull back completely and take in his swollen lips and dilated eyes. I have to get up off the bed, but as I stand, I realize that might not be the best idea either.

"Finn," He sounds really unsure. I could have handled this better.

"I'm sorry. I just-I don't want to get too into it before I talk to your dad. It doesn't feel right." Kurt's expression changes instantly. He smiles at me. His smile turns predatory when he takes in the obvious bulge in my jeans.

I shrug and he winks at me. Fucking winks.

Guh.

"Ok, I'm going to go back to my room and calm down. Then I'm going to head down stairs and try to look your dad in the eye." I shake my head dramatically.

"You coming down for dinner?" I ask as I head for the door.

"You're asking him at dinner?" I nod.

"Um, I think I have to be there then." Kurt throws his legs over the edge of the bed and stands. I can tell he's in the same state I'm in through his skinny jeans. God, I love those jeans.

"Just in case I haven't made it ridiculously clear, I plan on saying yes when you ask _me_." He winks again, pushes me out the door and closes it quickly.

I stand in the hall staring at his door. Did that really just happen?

That was easily the best kiss ever. I look down at the front of my pants and scrunch my nose. Part of me wants to say 'screw it' and walk back through the door in front of me, but I have to be good. This has to be perfect.

So, I drag myself back to my own room. I deserve a freaking medal. Seriously. What teenage boy walks away from the sexiest person they've ever seen? Crazy ones. Like me.

Fuck.

I flop down on my bed and look down at my hard on, willing it away, but nothing is working. Kurt's given me a Beiste proof hard on.

Damn.

I look at my clock. I still have twenty minutes before my mom gets home and Burt won't bother me. The only one who might walk in is Kurt and honestly, I wouldn't be too upset about it.

Without another thought, I unbutton my jeans and pull them down around my knees. I would normally grab some lotion, but I'm too turned on to give a shit right now.

I swipe my thumb over the head of my dick lightly, imagining its Kurt's tongue. As I start a rhythm, grasping myself roughly, I remember what Kurt tried to tell me earlier about the Kitchen and almost lose it. I really have to work on that.

Hmmm.

But thinking about Kurt on his knees in front of me, my hands in his hair, fucking his face. Those big bright eyes looking up at me, it's not long before I'm coming.

I hear my phone beep and grab it, still panting lightly.

**Kurt: **_When you do that in the future, could you not say my name quite so loudly_

_; ) I don't think my dad could handle it. _

I've never come that hard before, so it's not really a surprise that I don't remember saying anything. The thought of Kurt listening to me almost makes me hard again.

0.0.0

Oh my Gaga.

Finn Hudson is the best kisser fucking ever.

I fan myself a bit as I sit back on my bed.

I smile as I think about the bulge I saw in his pants. I put that there. I, Kurt Hummel, gave another boy an erection.

It's been one hell of a day and we haven't even had dinner yet. Gaga, dinner should be interesting.

Finn really surprised me repeatedly today.

First, he was amazing with Blaine. Really understanding and giving me space. And then he told Rachel and offered to ask-

"Uh, Kurt." Comes through the wall from Finn's room.

My ears tingle, trying to hear more.

"Yes, fuck, faster."

Holy shit.

Finn is on the other side of that wall jerking off to me doing _something_ faster.

The hard on that I just willed away is back in full force after only seconds of listening to Finn's voice.

"K-Kurt!"

It's pretty obvious he just came. My mind almost can't handle it and I palm myself through my jeans. Damn these jeans are too tight.

I grab my cell and decide to mess with Finn a bit.

I don't really expect to get a response, especially not so quickly.

**Finn:** _I promise nxt time u can make sure I stay quiet._

Oh, and that doesn't help at all. I unbutton and unzip my jeans, just to relieve the pressure.

**Kurt: **_I would have been happy to do it this time, but you left : (_

It was so true. It was actually a little frightening how ready I was to do things with Finn that I've only ever heard about. Even in my new enlightened state, I can't watch porn.

**Finn: **_U kno I had to. Just a few more hours. Promise._

Yeah, in a few more hours there will be a padlock on my door that only Burt Hummel can open.

I sigh, but I know Finn's right.

Whatever this is between us, it's way too important to rush. No matter how sexy Finn sounds when he comes.

**Kurt: **_I know. Who would have ever thought that you would be the responsible one in this relationship?_

I hear him laugh and I smile. This really might work. I'm really going to be Finn Hudson's boyfriend by the end of the night.

**Finn: **_I kno, right. I kinda like it. _

**Kurt: **_Me too. _

I stand up and decide to change for dinner. My hard on is just subsiding as I pull my jeans off completely and I'm a little disappointed, but I know there will be plenty of time for sex later. Right now, we have to face my dad. I really don't envy Finn at all right now.

**A/N:** This is going to be a long note. Sorry.

This turned into a monster of a chapter! They just kept on going and then Finn got horny. I swear, I have no control.

Thank you to everyone for their input! Every single one of you really helped. I know its impossible to please everyone, but I hope you all liked it. I had some really brilliant Anon reviews, so thank you as well.

To all of you who were for option 3. Just a warning, Blaine isn't gone forever. I think he's way too important to Kurt for that, even in Canon, but this is officially a Kinn only story.

Some of you helped me see why it was so important to check my fangirl fantasies and stay as true to characterization as possible and I think this story is better because of it. You all know who you are.

Last, a very special thank you to Nubianamy for the once over : )

Alto


	5. Chapter 5

Seeing Burt sitting on the couch makes this feel very real. I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I'm not just asking to date Kurt tonight. I'm asking for forgiveness, again, for how I wronged both of them. I'm telling my mother that she might not have grandchildren. I'm asking them to accept me, even though I'm not sure what that means yet.

The whole pansexual idea gave me some comfort at first, but it faded. As much as I want the word, the definition, maybe there will never be some huge moment of understanding. I'm almost okay with that. Gay, straight, in between, none of it matters. As long as I'm honest with myself about what I feel and what I don't feel, I'll find peace with it eventually.

I plop down on the far side of the couch from Burt.

"Kurt's not feeling well, so he said we should order out. Pizza?"

I try not to act differently and hold his gaze. He looks instantly concerned. He probably wouldn't notice anything different anyway. He's too busy worrying about Kurt.

"He's okay. It-." I probably should have asked Kurt which of us was going to tell Burt about Blaine. Shouldn't I give Burt as much time as possible to get used to the idea of Kurt being single before he's not anymore? I really hope that Kurt doesn't yell at me for this.

"Him and Blaine broke up." I look down to my hands in my lap. I'm still really torn about how that should make me feel. I get exactly what I want, but the cost is pretty steep.

"Really?" Burt says disbelievingly. I should get used to that reaction. I have to remember that, to everyone else, they were the perfect couple.

"Yeah, this afternoon." Burt leans back against the sofa and looks up the staircase. He's obviously wondering if he should go up and try to talk to Kurt.

"I think he's gonna be okay. I-I was there when it happened. It was mutual." I probably shouldn't have told him I was there. It seems strange, even to me.

Burt still looks like he wants to go see for himself, but I know he'll think better of it. He doesn't know the other side of the story, so he thinks Kurt's up there, epically depressed.

"Wow. Well, you can order pizza. I'll talk to him after dinner. Give him a little more time to calm down." I always knew Burt was a smart man.

"Alright." I'm about to get up to grab the phone, but it feels like I should warn Burt. He might just worry even more and jump to crazy conclusions, but it's probably the best way.

"Um, when Mom gets home, at dinner maybe, I need to talk to you guys." He looks at me like he really doesn't need any more surprises today. I shrug.

"Okay." He says warily as I get off the couch.

0.0.0

I run up the stairs after ordering the pizza so I can fill Kurt in on everything. I knock on his door, but let myself in before hearing an answer.

Kurt's sitting on his bed, already changed into sleep pants and a white v-neck, skin tight t-shirt. Seeing Kurt in pajamas isn't new for me, but it feels different this time. I can touch him now. I could kiss him and he'd kiss me back.

Hmm. I could rub my knuckles up and down his toned stomach, over that sinful t-shirt.

"Can I help you, Finn?" He's teasing me. I'm not subtle. He knows exactly what I'm thinking.

"Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that I told your dad about Blaine. I wasn't sure if you wanted to tell him, but I figured it would be better if he had more time to adjust to the idea-" I'm really scared that he'll be mad at me, so I'm rushing and I'm sure I look guilty.

"It's ok, baby, calm down. Breathe." My heart's racing, beating wildly in my chest over one word. Kurt just called me baby. I grab his hand as he gets off his bed and pull him flush against me, my arms wrapping around his slender waist.

"Will you say it again?" I whisper over the shell of his ear and I feel him shiver. The breath he lets out gives me goosebumps and I tighten my hold on him. I run my lips softly over the crook of his neck and back up to his ear.

"Please?" I'm not sure if his hesitance is due to shock or insecurity.

"Baby," he whispers into my shoulder. His voice is reassuring and calm, if not a bit breathier than normal. I kiss the tender spot just below his ear and step back. It's literally one of the hardest things I've ever done, but dinner should be here soon and I need some time to go over what I plan to say again.

"So, you're not mad?" I ask, feeling awkward now that I have no idea what to do with my hands. They want to be back on Kurt so badly. It feels like I don't have control over them anymore.

"No. You're right. The more time he has to get acclimated, the better." I smile at him even though I have no idea what acclimated means.

"Okay, well, I'll see you down stairs. Food should be here in ten." I lean forward to kiss his cheek, but he turns his head up at the last second and I find my mouth brushing against his softly. He's smiling into the kiss and I know he did it on purpose. My hand reaches up to brush his cheek on instinct. It's hard to keep it short and sweet, but we start to pull away at the same time and I have to drag myself towards the door.

"Not nice," I say before walking out into the hall.

"I thought it was very nice."

I can't help but agree.

0.0.0

Burt is alternately staring at Kurt and me with a worried expression on his face. He hasn't guessed that Kurt's break up and my announcement are connected; and why would he?

We all finish one slice of pizza in silence before Mom speaks up.

"Kurt, honey, are you okay? I-I know how important Blaine is-was to you." She winces at her slip up and tries to gauge Kurt's reaction.

Kurt smiles at her reassuringly, even if it is a bit sad. I know it will take a long time for Kurt to completely forgive himself for what we did to Blaine. It'll probably take me a while too. He's a good dude. He's just not right for Kurt.

"I'm okay, Carole, thanks. We just weren't meant to be." He shrugs and grabs my hand under the table, squeezing for a second before letting it go again. I can't stop the huge smile that spreads across my face at the feel of his fingers on mine.

Burt's looking at me suspiciously now, like he just put two and two together. What these two things are, I'm not sure, but odds are he's completely wrong.

"Alright, Finn, what do you need to talk to us about? You didn't get Rachel pregnant did you?" He's smiling as he says it and I know it's meant in good fun. I smile back at him.

"Yeah, now that I actually know how that happens, not very likely." I sorta can't believe I just said that. Kurt is looking at me like he can't either, but my mom bursts out laughing and whatever tension was hanging over us lifts.

It makes it just a bit easier to gather my thoughts and locate some courage. I look between them, turning serious. My mom's expression changes instantly. She can tell how big this is for me.

"What's going on, honey?" She asks with a slight edge to her voice and shares another worried glance with Burt.

"I'm not really sure where to start." I take a sip of my coke to buy some time and look at Kurt for support. It strikes me then how similar his expression is to Burt's.

"Rachel is staying in L.A. She got her big break out there, so we broke up." Kurt's looking at me like that was the absolute worst place I could have started. Well, crap.

My mom grabs my hand across the table and squeezes it reassuringly.

"I'm so sorry. I know how close you two were." And isn't it funny how she worded that. She didn't say how in love with Rach I was. She didn't say how perfect we were for each other, just that we were close, which is still true.

"It's okay, Mom. We make better friends anyway, but I am going to miss her." Mom smiles at me sadly and lets go of my hand.

As I look over at Kurt, I see him eyeing his dad warily and I get why he's worried. Burt might think that I wouldn't be with Kurt if Rachel were still available, or that Kurt is only my second choice.

"So, this next part is a little bit harder. I don't really understand it completely myself." Now all three of them are looking at me expectantly. Thank god for Kurt's hand grazing my knee, grounding me a bit.

"I'm, um, not really sure what I am, but I'm not…" My whole world is hanging on this one word. Telling Kurt didn't really prepare me for this huge, terrifying moment.

"Straight." I don't know how to look at any of them. I wouldn't be able to handle the disappointment in Mom's eyes or the question in Burt's. If I looked at Kurt right now, I know I wouldn't be able to hold back and that would ruin everything.

There's a thick silence for a minute while it sinks in.

"Finn," I'm surprised to hear Burt speak first. I finally look up from my pizza. I'm floored by the amount of emotion in my step-dad's eyes. His expression softens even more when he registers the sheer amount of fear that I'm sure is written all over my face.

"Son," he says softly, and I never knew how much I needed to hear him call me that until this moment.

"You know we'll never judge you or stop loving you because of who you are." My heart breaks because I know what I have to say, how it's going to change everything, and my mom still hasn't really looked at me yet.

"What about w-who I love?" Kurt's eyes lock with mine as I say it and I know I couldn't have asked for a more perfect moment to tell them. It cuts out all the bullshit. I love Kurt. Either they can accept that or they can't.

When I look away from Kurt, I turn to my mom. She looks so scared. As predicted, Burt looks furious.

"K-Kurt?" Burt whispers. I can't tell if he's asking me a question or trying to get confirmation from his son.

"Yes." Kurt and I say together. The surge of _rightness_ that floods through me takes my breath away.

Literally.

I grab Kurt's hand under the table, send him a questioning glance as I slowly raise them up over the edge and rest them between our plates.

"Finn?" Mom still looks terrified, but now her frown is laced with concern.

"Mom, I know this feels sudden and-"

"Do you really love him?" She asks, almost accusingly. I nod my head and plead with her silently to not hate me. I think of all the dreams she's shared with me over the years. How much she couldn't wait to watch me play catch with my son. How she was certain that the right girl would come along and no one else would exist while she was in the room.

It shouldn't matter that it's Kurt who does that to me, just that I've found it.

"_Yes."_ I try to pour every apology and plea into that one word. I squeeze Kurt's hand and fearfully glance over at Burt. He's been very quiet.

He's completely focused on Kurt, having a silent conversation probably very similar to the one I just had with Mom. He finally looks away from Kurt and back to me.

"How the hell did this happen? I mean, Jesus, when I left here this morning, you -" He points at Kurt. "- were in a loving relationship with a boy I thought for sure was going to be my son-in-law one day." Kurt pulls his hand away from mine and starts to pick at his pizza again. That's gonna haunt Kurt for a while because we both know that Blaine thought exactly the same thing.

Burt looks at me like he's not sure he knows me, like I've betrayed him.

"You were there because… you said it was mutual." Burt whispers accusingly.

"It was, Dad. We both decided that this was for the best and not just because of Finn. I know we seemed perfect from the outside, but we really weren't."

"What about you and Rachel? You two had finally gotten it together. I don't understand any of this. Most of all, I don't understand how you can expect me to just- to just-" He's losing steam now and rubbing his hands over his face.

"Accept me? Finally, truly forgive me?" I ask defiantly.

"Look, I know I screwed up. I've been trying to earn your forgiveness ever since that night. I really want to deserve it, but I can't pretend that these feelings are new." I look down at Kurt's fingers and how they fit perfectly between mine.

"I've loved Kurt for a really long time, but it's not-" I haven't shed tears once yet, through this whole ordeal. Not when I first realized how I felt about Kurt, not when I finally figured out how different that made me. Part of me felt like I deserved the pain that came with the confusion. But I can't stop them now, not when my mom is looking at me with so much doubt.

"It's not simple. I don't _just_ love Kurt." I'm not sure that either of them really get it. They're looking at each other, trying to figure out where the other stands. I wipe my eyes and feel Kurt's hand on my shoulder and over my back. The steady circles he's drawing calm me down just enough.

"Mom, he's it." Her eyes widen as she starts to understand.

"He's the one that you've wanted for me my whole life. He's everything you told me he'd be, but I didn't-. It wasn't okay, at first, what that made me." All of a sudden, my mom's out of her chair and stooping down next to me.

"Finn, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I didn't mean to make you feel like it's not okay to be whoever you are, but I love Kurt like he's my own now." Kurt's hand on my back stills for a moment, but continues just slightly slower.

"It's not hard to see the changes Kurt has gone through lately. I was scared that, well-" All of a sudden it makes sense.

"You thought that I broke them up so that I could get my rocks off?" The uncomfortable grunt from Burt reminds me that he is, in fact, still in the room and maybe I should be more careful. I can't believe Mom would think so little of me.

"Y-yes. With everything you two have been through and after Quinn, I didn't want to think that you were capable of taking advantage of his feelings for you, but-" I wince at the mention of Quinn.

"Finn's been nothing but a gentleman from the beginning. He's proven to me several times over that this isn't just about sex." Kurt's fingers are a little harder than before, but still keeping a steady rhythm. Even as his dad levels both of us with a disbelieving stare, it never falters.

I look back at Mom. She's still stooped by my chair, waiting for my reaction.

"It's okay, Mom." I rub my hand over her shoulder and motion for her to go back to her chair. She's going to need Burt's support for this next part. Well, more like he'll need hers.

"So, now that you know what this is," I motion for Kurt to give me the hand that's been on my back and lace our fingers back together. I look up at Burt.

"Do we have your blessing, Burt? It wouldn't feel right without it." He doesn't look at me when I ask though, he looks at Kurt.

"Is this really what you want?"

"I know you thought that Blaine was the love of my life. I did too, at first. He was the boy of my dreams, but Finn," The way he says my name, so soft and confident, sends shivers down my spine.

"Finn has grown in to the man of my dreams; the man that I tried to force him to be when we were fifteen. We were both young and we both made mistakes. My own feelings aside, did you hear what he just told Carole? Am I supposed to ignore that because of those mistakes? I really would try without your consent." Tears start to form in Kurt's eyes. Burt looks very surprised, but doubtful. He doesn't believe that Kurt and I would give this up without their blessing.

"Finn wanted to ask for your permission before he even asked _me_. Neither of us want it to seem like we're hiding or that we're ashamed. I really do love him, Dad. I never stopped and I have a feeling I never will." Kurt finally breaks away from his dad's calculating, but suddenly soft stare.

Burt turns to share one last look with Mom. It seems like they're on the same page, whatever page that may be. I really hope it's the one where we have the best parents fucking ever.

"My initial answer is yes." Burt says solemnly. I'm not stupid enough to think that's the end of it though.

"But there will be rules." He looks at me as he says this and I blush. He thinks I'm going to be the one to not follow them, that I'm the only one that needs them in the first place. Oh, I have a feeling that won't last very long.

"Your mom and I will talk later tonight and then we'll all do this again tomorrow at dinner." Man, did he look excited about that. Can't say that I blame him.

"In the mean time, I think both of us can handle the hand holding. I don't want you to feel like you can't be a c-couple in front of us, but be respectful." Burt puts on a pretty strong front, but I can tell this part is especially hard for him.

"I'm not gonna pretend that I can control what you do when we're not home, but no sneaking around while we are, please? I-I don't-" Burt looks seriously uncomfortable.

"Kurt, I don't know what happened with you and Blaine but, I hope that you took my advice and continue to." I'm not sure what advice Burt gave Kurt, but from the blush covering both of their faces, I'm gonna guess it was somehow related to sex.

"Maybe- look, Finn, this is new for you so-, just _respect_ each other. Remember that you matter." Kurt has tears in his eyes again as he gets out of his chair to hug his dad.

I figure we should give them a minute and start to clear our plates. My mom follows me in to the kitchen to throw away the pizza box.

"Finn," She stops me right before the door. "I'm so happy for you." She surprises me and pulls me into a hug.

"Even if he really is _it_, you have to know how complicated this is going to get. People, this town, won't understand. They won't see the beauty in this that Burt and I do. We've watched you both grow up in to wonderful young men and I'd hate for you to lose that, lose yourselves, because of ignorance." I pull back from the hug and try to look much more confident than I feel.

"Mom, I know it won't be easy. If it were for anyone less than Kurt, I probably wouldn't even consider it, but it is Kurt. I think we'll make it work somehow, at least for a year. After that, we-" I hadn't thought about how my new plans for the future might affect my mom.

"Honestly, we won't be in Ohio very long after graduation, if we can help it." She looks startled and sad, but also very proud.

"Have you and Kurt talked about what you plan to do when school starts or after graduation?"

"Not really. A lot of that depended on Burt's reaction. Now that we know, I'm sure it'll come up soon." I hug her and put my chin on top of her head.

"I love you, Mom. Thank you." We both know how loaded those words are, but I feel the need to explain anyway.

"Really, thank you for accepting me and supporting me and for loving Kurt enough to want to protect him." She squeezes me extra tight for a second before letting go and starting to head out of the kitchen.

"I love you too," she says before leaving.

I have one last thing to do. It will probably be the easiest thing I do all day.

0.0.0

"You never make it easy on yourself, Kid." Dad says as soon as Finn and Carole leave.

Isn't that the truth? Being gay in Lima, Ohio wasn't enough of a challenge for me. I had to fall for my step brother too. I pull back from our hug and pull my chair closer to him as I sit back down.

"I know."

"I'm not just scared for your heart, Kurt. I see now that Finn will take good care of it. I'm terrified for your life; your well being." There's such a sad arch to his brow.

"I know life would have been easier with Blaine, but I wouldn't have been happy. I'm not sure yet what the future holds for Finn and I, but I know as long we have each other, everything will be okay. No matter what this stupid, little town throws at us, we'll figure it out together." It feels so good to be able to talk to Dad about Finn. It was hard going through something so huge without his advice.

"You're both strong, Kurt, I'm not disputing that. I just want to make sure that you've thought through _all_ the ways this is going to change your life, not just the good ones." He stands and pulls me out of my chair and into another hug. He gives the best hugs.

"Thanks, Dad. I know how weird this must be for you." He grunts and squeezes a bit tighter before pulling back. It's strange to be able to look directly into his eyes after we hug.

"Just promise me that you'll take care of him. I know it's a stupid thing to ask since you take such good care of all of us, but be careful with his heart, too. He's got it real bad for you, kid. Tread gently, understand?" I nod as Carole walks out of the kitchen and takes her seat again, motioning for her husband to sit back down.

She whispers something in Dad's ear and he smiles. I can see tears starting to form in her eyes and I'm about to thank her when Finn walks back in from the Kitchen.

"Kurt," Finn says a little too formally. I can tell what's coming next, but I still don't feel prepared to hear those words coming from Finn. It doesn't feel real. It feels like I've fallen into a fairytale.

"I couldn't tell you before," Finn grabs my hand and brings it to his lips, brushing them softly over my knuckles. I step closer to him and he loops his arm around my waist. Even with the growth spurt, I still have to look up at him a bit.

"I like to think it was because I wasn't worthy of you yet." he falters and looks down at the table next to us.

"I had to grow and let you teach me how to be a man who could love completely," He looks back up at me, tears in his eyes.

"And you did it, thinking I could never love _you_." He pulls me closer to him so that our chests are flush against each other. The heat of his body is intoxicating and I never want him to let go. I never want him to stop looking at me like he is right now.

"I'm in love you." He pauses and my breath catches as his words rush over me.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

I think back for a second on the first day I saw Finn Hudson. He was just another boy walking down the hall at McKinley, trying not to look like a loser freshman, even though he was. He smiled at me and complimented my sweater. It brightened my whole day. I see very clearly now what the euphoric lift of my soul, that only Finn can induce, means.

"Yes."I whisper into the charged air between us.

He leans down just enough so that our foreheads touch. We stay silent in that moment, drinking each other in; embracing the spark that's passing between our bodies at every point of contact.

"I'm in love with you too."

Finn closes the gap first. His lips are soft against mine, so perfect. I wonder if it will catch me off guard every time we kiss, or if I'll get used to the surge it inspires in me. I really hope I don't.

**A/N: **Huge thanks to nubianamy for all the help on this chapter! This was much harder to write than I thought it would be. The boys come to me so freely, but parents are a whole 'nother story. Your constructive criticism and comments would be appreciated! I hope you all enjoyed it!

Alto


	6. Chapter 6

I, Finn Hudson, have a boyfriend.

Not just any boyfriend. I have the most amazing, sweetest, most unintentionally sexy boyfriend ever.

Unfortunately, Mom and Burt have conspired against me finding out just how sexy he is.

The rules they set down are pretty simple.

No "inappropriate" behavior while the parents are home. That includes at night. (Burt made sure to emphasis that while he glared at me.)

The door must stay open if we are in a room alone together. (Another glare in my direction. Seriously, Burt has no idea who the pushy one in this relationship is. Probably best to keep it that way.)

Cuddling, hand holding, and kissing are perfectly acceptable.

What they didn't say outright was that Kurt would officially be working with Burt at the garage every day and that my mom would be sending me on errand after errand in the mean time.

So, long story short, I have a boyfriend that I haven't gotten a chance to do anything but kiss in the last two weeks. Not that I don't love kissing Kurt, but it's a bit like torture. They're dangling everything I want right there in front of me, but making sure I keep my distance.

There's still a month left before school starts and I was hoping to spend at least one night with Kurt before that insanity begins, but that's looking less and less likely.

0.0.0

I can't fucking take this anymore. At first, I understood Dad's need to protect me. I even found it endearing. Now, I'm about to lose it.

Sitting at the dinner table, holding Finn's hand like usual, feeling the sparks lick against my palm as his thumb moves in circles there, I finally snap. I just want to know what that thumb feels like grazing the inside of my thigh. I want to know what the tongue that worships my neck on occasion feels like against the head of my cock. That's not so much to ask.

"How long are we going to do this?" I ask suddenly. Three pairs of eyes look up at me, confused.

"I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I don't want you to think that this is just about sex, but I know you both remember what this is like. You were both in love at seventeen with people that you fully intended to spend the rest of your lives with. So, I'm just wondering how long it's going to take for you two to stop treating us like children."

Finn's caught halfway between relief and mortification, but he lets go of my hand and just stares at Dad.

Carole is trying not to smile, but failing miserably.

Dad shifts in his seat and looks down at his plate.

"We know you're not children, Kurt. We just want you to have as normal a relationship as possible despite the fact that you live together. We want you to still appreciate each other even though you're always together. Honestly, I can't believe you both followed the rules as long as you have because I do remember what you're feeling. That fact alone proves to me that you're both much more mature than I ever was at your age. Maybe-" He looks over at Carole and she nods at him knowingly.

I don't want to hope that this could be leading where I think it is. It would be far too unbelievable a thought to let go of.

Dad runs his hands over his face, shaking his head.

"Okay, I want absolutely no reaction to what I'm about to say. I don't want to know or think about what I'm allowing to happen."

My heart starts to flutter as that unbelievable thought seems one step closer to reality.

Dad takes a bite of casserole and breathes in deeply.

"Carole and I are going to Columbus for the weekend." He says it casually and continues to eat his dinner as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Carole follows suit.

Finn and I lock eyes, smiling at the mirrored disbelief. My unbelievably amazing thought had just been a few hours. They would be going to the movies or hell, I would take going to the grocery store.

This is far more than I expected and it takes every bit of self restraint I posses not to hug Dad.

Finn grabs my hand again, grinning like a loon.

Plans were already flying through my head. What my wardrobe would be. Whether we would be in his room or mine the first time.

Oh my god. The first time.

It's really going to happen.

I understand suddenly why Dad is giving us a weekend. He doesn't want us to rush. He wants us to be able to do it right.

Another flood of gratitude and love washes over me. We really do have two of the best parents ever.

0.0.0

Holding out and following the rules has sucked. I want every part of Kurt. I want to worship his collar bones and get lost in the taste and angle of his hips. I want to feel that perfect ass under my finger tips.

More than any of that, I want to make love to him. I lose hours every day thinking about his tight heat and the look of absolute trust and love in his eyes.

And now, it was all worth it.

Every time I pulled away, every time I stopped myself from leaping out of my bed and running to Kurt's is almost forgotten. Now, we'll have days.

I don't know how to react. I silently thank Burt for understanding and giving us time.

Things are going to change in a month. School isn't going to be easy and I think we'll need this to strengthen our relationship. We'd make it through either way, but I know this will help.

I can almost hear Kurt's thoughts going a mile a minute. I'm sure he's picking out color schemes and candles already.

I'm glad he's thinking about it because I haven't really gotten past all the places I want him to touch me. His hands are so fucking soft, just the thought of them on my cock makes it jump.

0.0.0

Of course those three days crawl by. Nothing really changes for Kurt and I. He goes to work, comes home, all four of us have dinner, we make out on his bed with the door open for little while and then we talk til he falls asleep. He has to get up at the ass crack of dawn when he works with his dad, so he's out by nine on most nights.

It leaves me with a lot of time to myself, but that hour or so we spend on his bed is always the highlight of my day. I could talk to him all day and not get bored, but the most unexpectedly awesome thing about making out with Kurt has got to be his neck. I had never really thought about it before, but it's got the most perfect curve. I love when he blushes and it spreads all the way down to his shoulders.

No matter what, I know this weekend is going to be incredible, but I'm still pretty nervous. My first time was so epicly bad. I want to make sure this is perfect for Kurt. I want to make him feel good, to watch him fall apart beneath me.

I've been doing a lot of reading since Kurt and I got together. Of all the things I've studied for in my life, I've never taken anything so seriously.

Kurt and I have decided to take our time. We're going to try to watch a movie and eat some dinner before we jump each other. I'm not completely sure that's going to happen. Kurt's hormones tend to override his need for romance lately.

I'd never be able to ask him to stop at this point. I've shown enough self control in the last month that I deserve to give in, but I want this to be perfect or as close to perfect as we can make it.

0.0.0

I've never received a more awkward hug than the one my dad gave me before he left for Columbus. It almost felt like he was saying goodbye to me, but that doesn't make sense. I'm still going to be here when he gets home. It's only two days. I just won't be a virgin anymore when he gets back.

Now, sitting on the couch and cuddled up on Finn, I understand it a little better. He knows how much this experience will change me. I can feel the anticipation of the change growing every time Finn touches me.

I thought I wouldn't last five minutes alone with Finn, but with this new perspective, I want to savor it.

I want to need Finn so badly by the end of this that he won't even have to touch me. Logistically, I'll have to get Finn off once before, so I think it's the perfect opportunity to live out one of our fantasies while we have the house absolutely to ourselves.

"What are you thinking about?" Finn whispers into my hair.

I smile and snuggle deeper into his chest.

"The Kitchen," I say innocently. I'm not sure that he'll understand the reference at first. It does take him a second, but I feel his body tense and I know he's caught on.

"Oh." It comes out a hoarse sigh.

"Not quite yet, but it's on the list. Anything in particular you'd like?" I try to keep my tone nonchalant, but inside, I'm dying.

We've discussed, very briefly, what we want over the last few days; mostly just reaffirming that I would very much like to be on the bottom. Finn doesn't seem curious about switching at all, which serves me just fine. I would top if he really wanted me to, but I don't see it being something I would seek out.

"I want to taste you too," He whispers in my ear. I very noticeably shiver and he laughs.

I move from my spot on his chest and straddle his hips.

"You're laughing now, but just wait." I grind down into his lap and he groans.

"Fuck, Kurt. That's not fair." He puts his hands on my hips and tries to push me back down on to him, but I lock my knees to keep him from achieving the friction he wants. He groans again and pushes me off of him.

"If you do that again, all of your planning won't mean shit. I'd really like to do this the right way, but you have to help me out because fucking you on the couch is not the right way." I shiver again at his gruff, dangerous tone.

"O-okay. I'm sorry. I'll try to behave." I stay on the opposite end of the couch. We cuddle all the time, so I don't mind keeping my distance.

It isn't until the movie is almost over that I feel Finn's hands circling my waist and pulling me to him.

Kissing Finn is one of my favorite things to do. His lips are firm, but soft and fit mine perfectly. He sets a slow, sensual pace, rubbing his fingers up my sides and under my shirt. I gasp when his tongue slides against my bottom lip and I let him in. The first tentative brush of our tongues is charged with something completely new.

We've gotten used to holding back and setting boundaries. Right now, there are no boundaries. Like Finn said, he could fuck me on this couch right now and we are both _very_ aware of that.

His hands roam their way down to grasp my ass through my skinny jeans. I love how this pair sculpts my cheeks just so and I know Finn appreciates it too.

"I love these jeans." He whispers against my lips. I smile into our next kiss and start to pull away. I grind into him once more, just for good measure, and whisper in his ear.

"Kitchen. Now." Finn does not need to be told twice. He lets me stand, but quickly flings his arm under my knee caps and carries me, bridal style, into the kitchen where he deposits me carefully on to the counter.

I don't even have time to register his hands on my cheeks before his mouth is back on mine, much more insistent than before. There is no gentle question of permission, just Finn's tongue massaging the roof of my mouth.

I feed off the urgency of this kiss and let my hands roam down to the fly of his jeans. This would be uncharted territory for us, but I honestly can't wait. I let him continue to control the kiss as I lower his zipper, deftly sneaking my hand into his boxers.

We both gasp the first time my fingers brush against him. I don't grip him immediately. I want this to last, so I merely let my fingers float softly up and down his cock.

I feel his hand at my fly, but shake him off.

"Not yet," I say, pushing him back softly and jumping off the counter.

Finn's caught on to what this transition means and is smiling the happiest, most seductive smile I've ever seen. I love this boy so damn much.

I shove him back into the counter with more force than I had intended, but he doesn't seem to mind. He eagerly pulls down his jeans and boxers in one tug.

I've dreamed of Finn Hudson's cock almost exclusively since the first time I told him I loved him, so I can't really be held responsible for the whimper I make the first time I see it.

It's marvelous. I know that's a stupid adjective for a body part, but what a body part. He's long, but not too thick. He's perfect.

"Holy shit." I whisper, but he hears me and pushes his clothes over his knee caps and down around his ankles.

I'm down on my knees in a second. It's even more wonderful close up. The throbbing vein running along the underside of his cock is prominent, the head touching just under his belly button.

I lick my lips and hear Finn groan. I look up for the first time and Finn is looking back at me, pupils blown and mouth open in anticipation.

That vein is calling to me, begging to be licked. Without warning, I lean forward and drag the flat of my tongue all the way up Finn's cock, lingering just beneath the head.

Finn's hands grip the counter behind him so hard I'm sure he'll have bruises there in the morning.

I reach up and grasp him lightly for the first time. He's heavy and warm in my palm as I pull his erection down so that it's level with my mouth.

My first, tentative lick to the head of his cock is amazing. He tastes so manly and heady. I waste no time in taking him fully in my mouth, bobbing up and down on his first two inches for a few seconds, waiting for his reaction.

One of his hands grabs my head, fingers threading through my hair, as he makes the sexiest, most wrecked moan I've ever heard. Not that I've heard many, but it certainly spurs me on.

I move my mouth lower, slowly taking in an inch or two more , making sure to rub my tongue slowly up and down that delicious vein.

"Fuck, Kurt." I hum in acknowledgment and Finn almost loses it. I can tell from the way his hand grips my head like a life line.

"D-don't do that again until you want me to come." I have to stop myself from doing it again in answer. My goal is to take all of him in before this is over and I'm going to need a few more minutes to make that happen.

Relaxing my throat is easier than I thought it would be. All of that control from singing is probably coming in handy.

I add a little more suction to my upward strokes and that earns me a second hand in my hair. This is what I've been dreaming about. Finn is very close to losing control and moving his hips and I'm almost ready for him to.

Finally, I slide those last few inches down and feel my nose hit his pelvis. I bob once and hum loudly as his cock hits the back of my throat just right.

Finn yelps and I open my eyes for the first time, barely realizing I'd closed them, and watch him as he falls over the edge. His mouth is wide open in a silent screaming moan as he comes in my mouth. I manage to swallow quite a bit of it, but some spills out the right side of my mouth and down my chin.

I sit back on my haunches for a moment and take in the sight of post coital Finn Hudson. It's pretty fucking adorable.

His smile is small, but content.

"Holy hell, I love you." He says, eyes still closed.

"I love you, too." I reply as I drag his boxers and jeans back up his legs and over his hips. I've just gotten his jeans buttoned when Finn hauls me up off the floor and pulls me against him.

His eyes are open now and I've never seen them dance quite this vividly.

His thumb wipes against my chin and I realize I never cleaned it off. He rubs his fingers on either side of the drops, but doesn't remove them.

"That might be the sexiest thing I have ever seen." He pecks me on the lips then licks the come off my chin.

I don't know why, but I never considered Finn a sexually adventurous person. Licking his own come off my face is definitely what I would consider adventurous and it completely catches me off guard.

He makes a face and shakes his head to tell me that it is not something he will be repeating.

I kiss him one more time and palm myself through my jeans, just to relieve some tension.

Finn notices and smiles wolfishly.

"Is it my turn?" He asks, moving my hand away and rubbing me through the thick material. It feels amazing. He takes my silence as a yes and switches our positions.

"Wait, Finn." I put my hand on his chest to stop him from pulling my zipper down.

"I want you inside me the first time you make me come." I've been thinking about how I wanted to word this since my dad first told us they were leaving.

He drags his hand back up my chest and rests it around the back of my neck. His head falls onto the top of mine and he inhales deeply.

"Do we have to wait until after dinner?" Just the fact that he was willing to wait warmed my heart and solidified my answer.

"Finn Hudson," He pulls back to meet my eyes. I only use his full name for serious things these days.

"Make love to me. Now." I have never felt so loved in my entire life. Finn's face lights up and his hand grips my neck a bit tighter.

"God, yes." He takes my hand and bolts out of the kitchen and up the stairs, making me trail behind him.

He turns around right before we get to my bedroom door and pushes me into the wall behind us, forcing his whole body against mine.

His mouth is rough against mine, hands running down my back and over my ass then back up my sides. It feels like they're everywhere.

"Are you sure?" He asks against my lips. His hesitation is both adorable and annoying.

"Finn, if you don't fuck me within the next-" His lips cut me off as he maneuvers me against my door, searching blindly for the door knob.

I almost can't believe this really happening. As soon as my bumbling boyfriend finds this door handle, I'm going to give myself to him and I'm not even nervous. I trust Finn completely.

I know this is going to be amazing.

**A/N: **I hope you will all accept this smut with my sincerest apologies. The next chapter should be out in the next few days. I promise not to make you wait another month.

Alto


	7. Chapter 7

As soon as the door closes behind us, my nerves set in. I've prepared for this, but I can't remember anything right now. All I can think about is Kurt's lips and how his body fits perfectly against mine.

He's making the neediest noises and every single one of them makes my brain that much hazier.

As I finally push him back on to the bed, I know I need to take a minute and calm myself down. I step back from the bed and close my eyes. The image of Kurt, breathing heavily with swollen, red lips is very unhelpful.

"You okay, baby?" His voice is breathy and low. I should open my eyes and reassure him, but I'm not ready yet. I nod my head and take a deep breath.

As I open my eyes a moment later, I know I made the right decision. Kurt's shirt is hiked up past his belly button and his jeans are wrinkled. He's rubbing himself lightly over his jeans and that puts me back in motion.

"Sorry, I just needed a minute." I move back to push him down in to the bed, taking him by surprise. He gasps as our clothed erections rub against each other.

"You're so fucking hot." I whisper in to his neck and a violent shiver runs down his spine.

"Please, Finn."

I'm sure my brain stopped functioning after 'please' because my hands started unzipping his fly before I could really think about it. I helped him shimmy his skinnies over his sinful hips and he pulled his shirt over his head quickly while I pulled down his boxer briefs.

Before I know it, Kurt is naked under me for the first time. I have to take another minute to appreciate it properly.

I finally make it down to his cock.

I can't breathe.

I knew this would be emotional. I knew I'd likely fall even harder for Kurt, but this is so much more than that and I'm not even inside him yet.

They say that when you make love to someone they become a part of you and you become a part of them. That's what this feels like. I'm slowly being torn apart and Kurt is going to put me back together.

My knees finally hit the bed on either side of him. There's an awed smile on his face that I return as I brush the back of my hand to his cock. His whole body jumps and he sighs as my hand wraps around him.

"No, I won't last." He says as he pulls at the hem of my shirt. I take it off, suddenly feeling self conscious. Kurt is so fucking perfect. He's pale and slim and so freaking soft everywhere. There's no way I could compare to him; with my freaky nipples and gangly arms.

I think he senses my thoughts and brings his nimble fingers to unbutton my jeans.

"I love you. I love every part of you, so whatever you're thinking, stop it. I needed you naked like five minutes ago."

I pull my jeans and boxers down and step out of them awkwardly. The second I'm free of the clothes, Kurt pulls me down on top of him. I didn't expect the slide of our hip bones to feel so good, but a burn starts to build low in my stomach way too soon.

Our lips meet in a slow, burning kiss that I feel in my toes. Every time we've kissed today it's felt a little different. This one is full of promises and it gives me the courage to ask my next question.

"Lube?" I whisper against his lips. He pecks my lips one more time before stretching to open his nightstand drawer.

The way his muscles move under his skin is distracting. His arms and stomach, his pecs, they're all defined, but understated.

He pulls back with two things in his hand and eyes me wearily.

"We never really talked about whether we'd use protection, but I got some anyway, just in case. I-I don't really want to, but I thought I'd leave it up to you."

I don't think anything I say right now would come out right, so I grab the lube out of his hand and push the condoms back. He smiles and throws the box of condoms behind him.

I kiss him again as soon as his attention is back on me. I try to make this kiss as loving as possible, but also passionate. This part is going to suck. I'm pretty sure it's going to hurt, so I'm going to have to find a way to distract him.

I pull back and let him spread his legs, pulling his knees up just enough. I unscrew the bottle of lube, spreading a good amount over three fingers.

"Okay, baby, relax a bit more." I rub his inner thigh with my un-lubed hand and his shoulders fall back to the bed. His cock is still rock hard, despite both of our nerves.

As I bring my fingers to his opening and circle it slowly, I realize I never got to taste him and that would be one hell of a distraction.

I slowly slide the first finger in, making a circular motion, and duck my head down to take him into my mouth. His cry is a mixture of surprise and pleasure, but I don't hear any pain, so I thrust deeper into him.

Feeling Kurt heavy in my mouth and hot around my finger feels incredible, but I have to stay focused on not hurting him.

I set a slow, steady rhythm with that one finger and my tongue, trying to match them as much as possible, until I brush something inside Kurt.

He lets out a wail that makes me stop.

"Fuck, Finn. Don't stop. Never stop." He sounds broken in the best possible way. I realize that I've just brushed his prostate and push back in to him, adding another finger.

Kurt tenses a bit at the stretch, but continues to moan.

I focus my energy on his cock while he gets used to my fingers. I think about how he tastes for the first time. He's so clean, but there's a hint of something there. Vanilla still? Or maybe Hazelnut. Whatever it is, he's delicious.

I brush that bundle again and Kurt tenses in a completely new way.

"Fuck, Finn, I-" Is all the warning I get before my mouth is flooded with come. It surprises me and I choke, sputtering a bit of come down my chin and down his dick.

He doesn't seem care or even know that I couldn't swallow. He looks high.

"Holy shit."I hear him whisper. He seems to be coming back around, so I move my fingers again, adding another when he doesn't flinch.

The state he's in doesn't stop pain from flashing across his face or his body from tensing up.

"Finn," It's completely different from the last time he said my name. I bring my mouth back to his cock even though it's soft and covered in come. I lick his tip gently before taking him completely in my mouth. His body relaxes just a bit and I move my three fingers in an inch more.

He whimpers, but I can't tell if it's from pain or pleasure. He's slowly getting hard again in my mouth, so I just need to make it to that bundle again without causing him too much pain.

I start to suck in earnest and move a bit faster up and down him, while reaching fractions closer to his prostate.

It's pretty easy to tell when I've brushed it. He's instantly hard and he starts to thrust, for the first time, back down on my fingers. It's easily one of the hottest things I've ever seen.

Kurt's hair is plastered to his face and his skin is tinged red all over. He's gorgeous.

I meet his downwards strokes a few times before removing my fingers.

He lets out a needy whimper that goes straight to my cock. It's a damn good thing Kurt already got me off once or else I might have really embarrassed myself.

"Are you ready, baby?" He looks up at me with those huge blue eyes, so full of want and trust. I'm going to remember this exact second for the rest of my life. Every time we fight or if I ever question any decisions I've made to be with Kurt, I'm going to look back on this second and my doubt will fade away.

"Yes, please." I've never heard his voice so raw and ragged. It's fucking sexy.

"Okay," I say more to myself than him. I locate the lube and pour some more into my shaking hand. Kurt's hand wraps around my wrist to steady my hand and leads it down to my cock. His fingers stretch out behind mine to guide them around and down, making me stroke myself lightly. I close my eyes so I can focus on the way his fingers drift back and forth against mine.

Too soon, I'm properly lubed and he takes his hand away.

He scoots up the bed a bit and spreads his legs, a look in his eyes that begs me to fill him.

As I scoot closer, he lifts his feet off the bed and links them behind my back, resting them just above my hips.

"I love you, Finn." I lean down now that our faces are finally close enough and kiss him lightly. Again, this kiss is different from any other. It's reassuring and hopeful.

"I love you, Kurt." I whisper before letting my finger circle his loosened entrance and he gasps.

"Please stop teasing me now. Fuck, I-I need you." We're not just talking about sex anymore. His eyes plead with me to understand that.

"I need you too. I'm never leaving you. This is it, baby. The first time for the rest of our lives, I swear it."

I kiss the tears that have started to slowly roll down his cheeks as I line myself up with his entrance.

One last reassuring look from Kurt and I slide in to him, just the very tip. He doesn't even tense, so I push in a bit further, the swell of my head stretching his muscles. His feet bare down on my hips a little harder, but he doesn't make any sound. His eyes are screwed shut, but he's breathing pretty steadily.

I thrust shallowly again, so that the head of my dick is completely inside of Kurt. I can't hold back my moan or the overwhelming sense of _right _that floods through my entire body.

It's so hot and ridiculously tight around me.

"Stop. Just give me a second." His voice is strained, but it doesn't sound like he's in pain. I wait, getting lost in the feel of his body, rubbing my hands up his thighs and over his arms, across his amazing stomach. It seems to relax him, his whole body sagging into my hands, eagerly meeting my touch.

"O-okay." I tear my eyes away from his flawless skin to meet his eyes. He nods his head, tears drying against his cheeks.

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I whisper in to his ear before kissing his cheek, then his lips. They're so soft and yielding.

I hope he's distracted enough as I move my hips forward, pushing slowly in to him. I pull back just an inch before thrusting back in.

The drag of Kurt's inner walls on my cock is sinful. I've never felt anything like it.

"Deeper." Kurt begs.

I pull back again, but this thrust in is much harder than the one before it, driving me deeper in to him. It's too much to watch the pleasure so plainly written on Kurt's face while I'm inside him.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck as I continue to thrust slow, but deep, surrounding myself with his smell and his breath.

Kurt starts to move his hips in time with mine and soon we've built up a rhythm.

"Faster, ah, please." I love how he says please so much during sex. I won't be able to hear him say it now without getting turned on.

I hitch his legs higher up my back, wrap my arms around his shoulders and use his body for leverage to drive even deeper in to him.

Suddenly, he wails and tightens around me.

"There, again." He whispers, panting softly.

I try my best to direct my hips in that exact direction again and am rewarded with a high pitched whine.

We're riding the line between making love and fucking now, but it's so damn good. I'm not going to last much longer at this pace, so I focus on making it as good for Kurt as possible. I reach down and softly grasp his cock.

He gasps and nods his head. I take that as a go ahead to continue stroking him in time with my thrusts.

He lets out a high pitched keen that's getting familiar and I know he's close. The sound of our bodies meeting and the hitch of his breath is the sound track to the most blissful moment of my life to date.

I've been holding out, trying to make the experience perfect for Kurt, but I can't for one more second.

"Ah, Kurt," I slam in to him twice more before completely giving myself over to the burn rolling in my gut. It spreads from my toes, up my thighs, through my arms. I've never felt something so consuming.

When I still and start to twitch a bit inside him, Kurt groans and I feel his come coat my stomach.

I wish I could have kept my eyes open through the fire to watch Kurt fall over the edge again, but the sounds he makes are enough to help me visualize it.

He's kissing me fiercely before I even pull out.

When I finally open my eyes, I see fresh tears on his cheeks and a huge, dopy smile.

"That was fucking incredible. _You_ are incredible." He whispers against my lips. I try to pull away to clean us up, but he pulls me back to him.

"No, stay. I love how you feel inside me."

For what has to be the tenth time in the last hour, I can't breathe.

"God, Kurt, I'd stay right here forever if you let me." I nuzzle my nose in to that sweet spot on his neck again and just breathe him in. The smell of sex and sweat mingles with the vanilla, but it almost makes it better.

"I wish you could." He says into my hair.

We stay there, wrapped up in one another for a few more minutes before finally giving in to the need to move.

Kurt limps just slightly on his way to the bathroom, but turns and wiggles one finger, wordlessly asking me to join him in the shower.

I don't need to be asked twice.

Just the thought of water flowing down his already red tinted, beautiful skin makes me dizzy.

If this fluttering in my stomach, the breathless floating from minute to minute is what is in store for the rest of our lives; I can't fucking wait.

This life with Kurt is my new dream. I could do without football. I could never step on stage again as long as I get to keep that smile on his face forever.

**A/N: **So, I might do one last follow up one shot in Kurt's POV, but this is the end for this story. I really want to do a sequel eventually to show the glee club reaction and the school experience. I'm not sure when I'll have time at this point, but if people want to read it, I'll do my best to write it. I'm sorry for any typos! I didn't have time to edit this as thoroughly as I usually would.

Thank you so much to everyone who favorited and reviewed!

Alto


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